The curtains here are continually close, except for a slim crack. The solar’s rays pour into the room in a single spot. She says they’re easier to seize that way.
She keeps a mirror in bed, the little type ladies use to study the top in their nose.
She uses it often nowadays. now and again it slips below her pillow or gets lost in the blankets. That’s all proper. She always manages to dig it out somehow.
She doesn’t use it to have a look at herself. My mother never was very fashionable, she didn’t get dolled up except there has been a cause. instead of analyzing the wrinkles on her face, she makes use of the reflect to fish for rays of sunlight, assuming they’re the remaining ones she’ll see.
although who is aware of? We didn’t talk lots approximately that.
over the last years she’s gotten acquainted with staying in mattress. before, we used to exit for walks . . . down to the river, say . . . gulls chasing across the sky, hues, noise, humans . . . the slow click-clack of her crutches.
nowadays the maximum adventurous journey she takes is to the toilet. She recounts those expeditions to me by textmessage. She keeps her senior mobile telephone on a string looped over her shoulder, like an Indian quiver complete of arrows. If she stops to relaxation on her manner through the jungle, or trips and falls, she shoots out a sign — “cloth cabinet,” for example. As quickly as i will, I drop the whole lot and head over to her location, scoop her up, and bring her returned to mattress or to the toilet, relying what she desires. We’ve got some other indicators except “cloth wardrobe.”
So what’s it like, anyway, mom?
recollect how when you’re little and you have to run via the hallway in the nighttime? while your parents aren’t round, or they’re asleep, and you’re worried and afraid, but you do it?
She smiles, or tries to. It’s just a series of teenage victories, she says.
prevent it, you’re blinding me . . .
She’s catching a ray of sunshine and flashing it in my eyes.
She sets the mirror apart. She doesn’t suggest to torture me. We’ve continually liked every different. properly, up till i used to be 16 and that i subsequently got out, she turned into completely smashed every night time, or pretty much. If she wasn’t smashed she had a hangover, which became even worse. when she changed into around fifty, though — thank God! — she gave up drinking and commenced touring church buildings, beginning and ending each day with prayer. She had, in any case, grown up in a spiritual orphanage. Her dad, my grandfather, had died throughout the war. She stated her mother had “cast her off.” The Order of English Virgins played a big element in her upbringing. until the Communists squelched them. when she changed into young, fueled through the bottle, she often made a laugh of the sisterhood’s call. She didn’t spare me any of her stories from the ladies’ home. As a boy, regrettably, I couldn’t recognize them. there has been not anything forced approximately her conversion. Her existence calmed down. It absolutely is better to get up and say a prayer in the morning instead of tossing back shots. and she or he didn’t pressure anything on me, no waving the Bible at me and sporting on about booze. She simply carried the information from the stone churches . . . the Templars, the Hospitallers . . . Prague is full of that stuff . . . I loved it.
here’s a few honey for you, mother. From the Galilee.
i used to be casual approximately it . . . announcing my present in an offhand manner, adore it become nothing special. however yes, i used to be proud. I imply, how many sons carry their loss of life mother honey from the Holy Land?
I did the buying, too . . . groceries, non-public hygiene, enjoyment . . . I added her stuff all of the time, who else becomegoing to do it? now not lengthy after she agreed to visits from social services, I stuck her dumping the food from them down the bathroom, or feeding it to the birds. She wouldn’t permit all of us else wash her or make her bed, a enormousnest of books, magazines, crumbs, and capsules that became such a mess on occasion it became difficult to tell what turned into what. Hospitals? She hated them. We’d already attempted that.
the alternative human beings trouble me, she said.
i was simplest long gone every week. She didn’t look grimy, however she nevertheless had the same sheets on her bed . . . nicely, we’d address that later.
today I’d left the bag of groceries out inside the entryway. The handiest aspect I introduced to her bedside turned into the little jar of Israeli honey. It turned into a flowery terracotta jar, sealed with wax.
right here’s that Israeli honey, mother, just like you requested for! I set it down at the desk next to her bed. It made a bitcracking sound.
Is it honestly from the Galilee? Does it say it there? allow me see! Why does it have that silly traveler packaging?
It’s written right there, see? . . . Galilee! . . . however in Hebrew, that’s what they communicate there.
nicely, of route . . . but I’m never surprised that your books are published in Hebrew. they have the whole lot over there! My father’s books handiest came out in German, Polish, Hungarian . . . locations round right here. I suppose translation is less complicated now, isn’t it? With all the ones machines.
Oh yeah, it’s smooth now. No massive deal.
Is there any u . s . a . where you aren’t published?
Russia.
Oh, mm-hm. That’s best herbal, although. Don’t even hassle. Did you deliver some thing returned for Bolek and Lolek?
That’s what my mom calls my sons. After the Polish cool animated film.
version fighter planes, Kalashnikov water pistols, some T-shirts, sparkling dates and stuff. the boys have been thrilled.
T-shirts with Hebrew? have you misplaced your mind? They’ll beat the residing daylights out of them . . .
My mom still thought of children’s houses as brutal establishments, like they had been after the conflict. As she were given older, I suppose, her
mom, please, this isn’t the ’50s anymore. You need to flavor the honey? How’ve you been, anyway?
suitable. I wasn’t on my own for a minute. He’s been with me the whole time. We communicate.
who is “he”?
Jesus Christ, our Savior and Redeemer.
Oh, come on, mom. It’s all on your head.
So what? despite the fact that it's miles, i love what he says.
Are you going to taste it or not? And what does he say?
the same old stuff. Like I don’t should fear. and i must prepare myself for the journey . . . well, I realize it sounds like a movie . . . but he also explains why the whole lot is the manner it's far.
What do you suggest, the whole lot?
you already know, life and dying. I by no means knew he knew all that.
I abruptly have the concept that once she dies, I’ll burn the rental down. I imply I received’t, however I’d like to. in thedays of the Bible, no person could’ve been surprised. That I need all of this . . . the bed, the books and pix, blankets, pillows, the pots and pans she hasn’t used in a while . . . the dried-out flowerpots, all her vintage-girl stuff, the entiretyright here in this flat soaking wet in that sour smell, coated in it . . . I wish it can all simply disappear. once she’s gone, the flat will be mine, weighing me down like a terrible burden. Why would I want that? I’ll lock the door and walk away. All I’ll keep is that tiny little replicate of hers. It’ll effortlessly suit in my pocket.
So why is everything the manner it's miles, then?
He says that’s the proper query. And we’ll all find out. In time. this is, at the stop of time. We’ll find out, but progressively.
Uh-huh.
I open the jar and bring in teaspoons from the kitchen. They’re sticky, but that’s all right. I’ll wash the dishes later.
She lifts her head. I insert the end of the spoon among her tooth. She takes it in, her head drops returned against the pillow. She savors the honey in peace.
It looks like she sank into a hollow throughout the the week i was gone. Even deeper than earlier than. Fading away. severely, her face looks like a skeleton. And whilst turned into the remaining time I washed her hair? Does she certainlylook that pitiful? Or is it simply that I haven’t visible her in a week? while a person is loss of life, I suppose it’s higher to be with them all of the time. That manner the changes don’t startle you as a whole lot.
Hm. I don’t suppose this honey’s anything special, she says.
You’re proper, I say. The final time I had honey became probable ten, fifteen years ago.
I offer to open the curtains. It’s almost spring! I say.
just leave it!
I step in the direction of the window and I hear it. The crash as the reflect slips out of her hand and shatters at the floor. Into slivers, tiny little pieces of damaged glass.
properly, now I’ve long past and completed it!
That’s all right, I’ll easy it up. I sweep the pieces beneath the bed with my shoe, I’ll deal with it later.
give me every other flavor, she says.
i've some too. however now not too much. I in no way turned into tons for chocolates.
What did you devour all this time?
Oh, this and that. the ones biscuits and belongings you delivered. It become accurate.
I still can’t get over what she stated. approximately Jesus speaking to her. So I ask once more. Firmly.
So tell me, mom. What else did he say?
after which . . . i can’t agree with it! My mom’s face lighting fixtures up and he or she grins in this indescribable way, a flirty smile spreading across her ravaged old face. Then she even blushes. Her face turns purple like a little lady’s!
properly, i'm able to’t tell you . . . the whole thing, she says coyly. however he also says great matters!
Like what?
properly, things approximately the two of us. pleasant things!
What? approximately me?
No, no! She squirms in her bed. He talks approximately him and me. As for the relaxation, properly . . . I’m maintainingthat to myself.
nice! You want to hear approximately my experience? the boys’re doing definitely properly. they are saying hi and they’ll ship some photos. You need whatever?
No. maybe later.
I sit at the chair, my mom in bed. We have a look at each different. There’s nobody else right here, I don’t think, and no one talking, except perhaps in her head. We just take a seat. In peace and quiet. but we’re ready. That’s right, waiting foran answer. soon it’ll be spring. maybe my mother will nonetheless get better, perhaps she’ll get better? Oh, really. I’m positive of it.
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